When one finds out that his/ her spouse or partner is having an affair, one is blinded with rage. The pain becomes so great that one can even react wrongly. Statistics say that 95% of the people discovering an act of infidelity make TWO huge mistakes. Therefore, our advice is that regardless of the rage and ache inside of you, you should try to avoid them. They are:
1) Do not try to force yourself to tolerate such an act of infidelity. Do not swallow your pride and crush your hurt emotions. Time does not cure by itself and your partner will not wake up one day and suddenly come back to his/ her senses. Do not think that it is you who should be “working on the marriage” by giving the other what s/he says is lacking in the marriage. It does not work that way; this is a form of prostituting your integrity. You will just end up resenting yourself because of the constant competing with the other person in your partner’s life.
2) Do not explode and feel righteous all the time. Stop the cycle of pleading, begging and attacking. Do not keep giving promises desperately all day. Talking and talking about the infidelity will only depress you. Also, do not use your children and the feelings of guilt to get your partner back. S/he should come back to you because you are wanted and not because you keep the bullying.
To save your marriage after discovering infidelity does not mean resorting to extreme reactions. And remember, saving a marriage takes two people to work on it.
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