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Surviving Marital Infidelity - Signs of Infidelity
My Words and Rants on Surviving Infidelity & Detecting Signs of Infidelity






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Even though the media tends to focus on men committing adultery, there are many husbands that find themselves confronting an unfaithful wife. There are a number of things you’ll need to consider if you find yourself in this situation. However, you will need to contend with the fact that there are far fewer resources dedicated to men coping with infidelity.

Lack of role models

Chances are, the minute you hear the word infidelity, you think of former New York mayor Eliot Spitzer or former US President Bill Clinton. Unfortunately, you may have a much more difficult time thinking of a male celebrity that has dealt with the immediate issue of an unfaithful wife. Similarly, it may be difficult to find role models in your own community – leaving you with fewer resources to turn to. If possible, try to seek out any male friends or colleagues that are going through the same issues as you are for support.

Emotional impact of infidelity

Statistically speaking, men have a harder time recovering from broken relationships than women. Even though men rarely talk about their feelings, it doesn’t mean that the pain and grief are any less. At the same time, finding help in contemporary society may be difficult. When confronting infidelity, you may find it helpful to find a psychologist or other type of counselor who focuses on men in adulterous relationships to help you with the healing process.

Deciding what to do

Once you know that your wife has committed adultery, you’ll need to decide what you want to do about it. At first, you’ll need to gain control of any urges to commit a criminal act. However, before you act impulsively, give yourself some time to calm down and consider the situation as rationally as possible. One of the best things you can do is go see a lawyer to discuss your options. It may helpful to seek the support of a clergyman, as well as a psychologist.

After you’ve had some time to come to terms with the infidelity, you can begin the process of letting your wife know what you want to do about your marriage – whether you choose to leave the relationship or seek outside help in repairing it. During this process, it will be important to listen and try to understand where things went wrong. This may make it easier to avoid a similar situation later in life.

Seeking help from marriage counselors

Infidelity does not mean you have to end your marriage. If you both see a marriage counselor and work to repair your relationship, you may be able to find ways to renew your commitment to each other. Seeking counseling will also help both partners come to terms with the issues within the marriage that may have contributed to one partner making the decision to find someone else.

Every year, thousands of marriages end in divorce. When the issue revolves around infidelity, it is not always the men that are unfaithful. That said, it’s often hard for men to find the resources and support they need to deal with these issues. Nevertheless, if you’re a man in this situation, it’s still important to obtain the assistance of a lawyer and a psychologist. Depending on your situation, it may be possible to save your marriage by seeking the help of a marriage counselor.


Get those images of Dick Tracy or film noire movies out of your mind – if you feel that your spouse may be cheating, it may actually be worthwhile to hire a private investigator. That said, you’ll need to weigh your options carefully and make sure that this is the best course of action for the situation. Every marriage is different – so it’s important to consider how each partner will deal with being confronted about an adulterous relationship.

Advantages of hiring a private investigator

Chances are, it will be safer and easier to hire a private investigator than to try to investigate the situation yourself, since you won’t need to worry about how you’ll feel when you see your spouse and lover meeting. At the same time, the private investigator will be able to gather all the evidence that you’ll need, should you decide to pursue divorce proceedings. You may also find that the impartial activities of a private investigator will make it easier for you to navigate tricky divorce and child custody proceedings.

Disadvantages of hiring a private investigator

When you suspect that your spouse is cheating, you’ll probably want to know immediately. Unfortunately, it may take days or even weeks for a private investigator to gather enough evidence to be of use to you. While waiting for this information may be difficult, you’ll need to wait things out to allow the person you hired to do a thorough job.

You’ll also find that private investigators charge by the hour and type of service. They may need to follow your spouse for hours before catching them with a partner, which can quickly add up on your bill. Similarly, if you want to know who your spouse’s partner is, the investigator may charge an additional fee to perform a background check and other research.

Selecting a private investigator

Depending on where you live, your state may require private investigators to be licensed in order to provide services. In some states, the only private investigators you can hire are ones that are or have been involved in law enforcement. While you may feel uncomfortable with the process of selecting a private investigator, it’s important to interview several of them. You may also want to contact your lawyer to see if they can recommend an investigator that can take care of your situation.

Among other things, you’ll want to ask them how long it will take them to find out if your spouse is cheating. You’ll also need to ask about hourly rates, as well as any other costs that may be incurred. For example, some private investigators may charge you for having pictures printed or to pay additional staff members to follow your spouse. If the person you select has a good bit of experience in these matters, he/she should be able to give you a reasonable cost and time estimate.

Many people that suspect a spouse is committing adultery are skeptical of hiring a private investigator, but there are a number of benefits to hiring this type of person. In particular, you won’t have to follow your spouse around, let alone face the facts of adultery on your own. Unfortunately, hiring a private investigator will not guarantee that you won’t find out by accident first. If you do choose to go this route, research potential investigators with the same care you would any other type of private contractor.


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Although you may feel shocked when you’re confronted with the signs infidelity, chances are you suspected – on some level – early on. Many times, spouses will simply ignore the signs instead of bringing up the issue and trying to resolve it. Unfortunately, waiting is the worst thing you can do. Even if you don’t plan to divorce your spouse, he/she may feel differently about the situation.

Get professional advice

Before you say anything to your spouse, it may be helpful to seek professional advice. Among other things, you’ll want to discuss the issue with a lawyer, as well as with any spiritual and psychological advisors you’re close to. These people will give you the opportunity to gain some perspective and help you to sort out how you want to manage your future. Even if your spouse is committing adultery, at least you’ll know what you want to do about it.

Hire a private investigator

If you’re going to confront your spouse, it may be best to hire a private investigator to learn if your suspicions are accurate or not. This will also give you a chance to find out more information about who the extramarital partner is. Although this information may not give you much comfort, you’ll at reduce the anxiety of wondering who this person is in your mind. In addition, if your spouse won’t admit the truth, you can simply present the evidence found by the investigator.

Confront your spouse

Once you’re certain that your spouse is cheating, you’ll probably want to confront them. Unfortunately, you may not be able to put as much time and effort into planning this moment as you’d like. For example, many people don’t need to hire a private detective – rather, they simply return home a few hours early and catch their spouse with their lover. Without question, this is a horribly embarrassing situation.

If you have the opportunity, it’s much better to set aside some time and calmly discuss the matter. If you’re afraid of violence, it’s best to make sure that you don’t need to return to your home. You may need to secure an apartment and make sure that your spouse won’t be able to find you before confronting him or her. In this case, it will also be to your benefit to have this confrontation in a public place or at least in a location where you can easily obtain help.

There are an endless number of ways to find out whether or not your spouse is cheating on you, and there are just as many ways to let your spouse know that you’re aware of the situation. In all cases, the best thing you can do is to be honest with yourself about the signs of infidelity and take appropriate action to manage your response. This will give you time to gain control of your emotions, as well as ensure that you’re prepared to deal with each part of coming to terms with infidelity.


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