Meeting your spouse’s new lover can be painful and embarrassing. That said, if you have children, it may be impossible to avoid one or more meetings with this person. Among other things, you’ll need to have some kind of interaction with this person in order to make sure that your children are not abused or neglected when your spouse has visitation rights. If you can manage to make your first meeting amicable, it will be easier for you to protect your children and prevent harm from coming to them.

Unexpected meetings

Of course, if you catch your spouse in the act of cheating on you, there’s really no choosing the time or place of your first meeting. However, running into your spouse’s new partner unexpectedly can be just as uncomfortable. Before you get into this situation, it’s very important to plan for how you’ll manage it. Imagine what you’ll say if you run into this person in a store or around town. While it’s not necessary to acknowledge this person, it’s still best to have some polite answers ready to avoid babbling or awkward silences.

Choosing a time and place

In some cases, you may not meet your spouse’s new partner until it’s time to go to court for divorce or custody proceedings. This is already a stressful setting, and is likely to color your impressions of the partner. If you plan to keep an eye on your children while they are with your spouse, it’s crucial to establish some kind of relationship with the lover. Therefore, it may be prudent to request a meeting in a neutral place, such as a restaurant or other public location. This will make it easier for you to try and meet each other as human beings, rather than adversaries in a family nightmare.

Managing discomfort

Regardless of where you meet, all parties are bound to be embarrassed and uncomfortable. And although it’s tempting, it won’t do any good to promote this distress. If anything, it will only make it harder for your children, as well as for you to work through all of the issues that come with infidelity. It’s also important to remember that many spouses cheat simply for the excitement of having a dangerous secret. In these cases, it may be possible that having a calm, reasonable meeting will take away some of the drama. You may even find that the extra-marital relationship breaks up on its own.

There is no good way to go about meeting a spouse’s lover for the first time. However, depending on how you handle this meeting, you may be able to make the best of a horrible situation. If you expect the relationship to continue, you’ll need to think about this other person being in contact with your children and playing a role in their lives. Therefore, you’ll want to do what you can to make sure that you can investigate the home on a routine basis and effectively report incidences of abuse should they arise.

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