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One day, a husband discovers that his wife, to whom he has been married for the past 25 years, had an affair. The affair was an old one, dating back before their two children were born. Yet this was no condolence. The husband has been experiencing trauma after this sudden, shocking discovery.
All he cares about was to protect his marriage. To him, this is an old thing that should not destroy their long years spent together. After reading a lot, trying to understand the situation more and being optimistic, he has been trying to send her the message that he is committed to her more than ever.
Yet, the more he tries to tell her that, the more defensive and angry she becomes. Knowing her secret is out, she refuses to talk about it on the grounds that she does not want to “play his game”, her description of his attempts of healing.
What should he do then?
The most important thing is that he should not be very curious to know all the details of the story, for she probably does not want to disclose more information. He should stop playing the part of an investigator and wait for her voluntary response. An idea to follow is that he should write his questions down on paper and when she is ready, she can answer in writing the questions that she is prepared to answer. Seeking a therapist’s help is also a way of dealing with this problem.
Most importantly, when she finally asks for his forgiveness, he should be ready to accept it, even if he does not get to know the whole story.
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