There’s no question that divorcing is hard – and that many people going through a divorce experience significant emotional and physical symptoms from the stress. However, this is especially true for children, although they may hide evidence of their stress from parents. It’s extremely important that children receive proper help during this time – whether from the parents or a third-party supporter.

Custody Arrangements

Parents going through a divorce will have to work hard to put aside their anger and resentment for each other, in order to make the necessary arrangements for themselves and their young children. If at all possible, it’s best for parents to work out custody arrangements on their own – the trauma of going through court proceedings can be difficult for children to understand and can lead to repressed feelings that surface later in life.

Of course, divorce – in most cases – is not that simple. There may be points of contention and arguments that become so heated that you can’t settle them on your own. If you do seek legal intervention in solving child custody disputes, it’s important to remember to put your parental duties first and your emotions second. Children may lack the emotional tools to cope with the stress of custody disputes, so it’s up to you to keep your values as a parent and help them as best you can.

Talking with Children about Divorce

Under no circumstances should you attempt to keep the divorce a secret from your children. They’ll sense that something’s up between you and your partner – not being clear will make them wonder if they’re the cause of your angst. Give them time to process the decision before one parent moves out so that the child will have time to adjust to the thought and ask any needed questions. Above all, repeatedly reassure the child that both of you love him or her very much and that they are not the cause of your separation.

When speaking to your children, steer clear of placing blame on your partner for the separation. Be careful not to put down your partner in any way – putting your children in the middle of your divorce won’t make anyone feel better! It’s important for kids to know that they still have two parents who love them and will take care of them regardless of your new situation.

Finding Closure

Most children going through a divorce will experience a period where they’ll try to get the two of you back together. Therefore, it’s important to let them know that it was a mutual decision, that you both did your best to avoid this ending and that there’s nothing they can do to change the situation. Be gentle with them when they make these attempts, but don’t let them continue thinking that getting back together is a possibility when it isn’t. Give children the opportunity to ask you any questions they want, and be patient as they work through these complicated emotions.

Divorce is especially hard on children. They may lack the experience to process their feelings and the cognitive capacity to express themselves in words. Therefore, giving the child the right information – but not too much information – is extremely important. Don’t let them feel anxious or worried about things that aren’t their concern. Give them time to feel comfortable with the news and adjust to the idea of a new family life before making major changes to your living arrangements.

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