Here are some things people commonly mistake as evidence of their spouse cheating:

Delays in Communication

People lead busy lives. Often it can take someone a couple of hours or even a whole day to respond to a text, call or email. This certainly in no way should be used as a basis for accusing them of cheating. Of all the things a person might be occupied with that renders them unable to immediately respond to you, the only ’scary’ possibility is that they’re having an affair, so that’s what our minds immediately gravitate to. But be practical. Chances are they’re just busy with work or life.

Talking About People of the Opposite Sex

If your partner regularly mentions a man or a woman in their life, whether its a co-worker or friend, it should not be taken to mean they’re interested in this person or engaging in an affair. When people cheat, they almost never will speak of the person they are having the affair with. This is a defense mechanism designed to keep that person away from your radar. However, if they always talk about a person and then suddenly stop talking about them completely, that could be a little alarming as it is what they would be likely to do if they had initiated an affair with that person. But even still, it more likely just means that person is not as involved in their life anymore.

Girls Night Out or Guys Night Out

If your partner has a night out with their friends, they’re probably doing just that: spending time with their friends. This is a normal practice in a healthy relationship, so don’t your thoughts get the best of you. However, if these nights out always seem to get cut short, maybe it was just a cover-up for something different.

Doesn’t Want You To See Their Phone or Computer

Just because a partner doesn’t want you looking through their phone or computer doesn’t mean they have anything to hide. It could mean they have something to hide, but probably doesn’t. People need privacy and if you’re acting invasive they will correct your behavior. It does not necessarily mean they are hiding anything.

Seems Too Trusting

Sometimes people find a spouse who is too trusting to be a concern. It’s as if they expect their partner to be nosy and curious about their whereabouts, and when they’re not, they become puzzled and suspect that maybe an affair is preventing them from giving a crap what you’re doing. In reality, the opposite is usually the case. You should be more concerned if they’re being very nosy and accusatory. When they’re being laid-back and trusting, that’s actually a good thing.

There are many possible actions that involve many considerations and you will obviously have to honestly and thoroughly review your actual scenario and circumstances to truly respond in a way that is actually appropriate rather than in a way that is irrational and reactionary. Responding and reacting are very different and one is rational while the other can possibly be rather foolish. If there are other parties involved, such as children, then you should certainly be considerate and respond in a beneficial manner that is in best interest of the children rather than possibly foolishly reacting in a manner that simply aims to retaliate on the person that you potentially feel hurt by.

Here are some possible responses that may be more rational that what you are considering. Remember that if you have children, only do what best serves their happiness. This does not, however, mean you must stay married to a spouse you do not wish to stay married to.

Move on.
Obviously just moving on to a new relationship is often the best option. You should make sure you have already had a reasonable heart to heart with your spouse or partner to attempt to understand and possibly resolve the matter if you feel the circumstances of their actions and the sincerity of apology truly warrant your forgiveness.

Forgiveness.
If you feel the circumstances of your spouse or partner’s activities and also the true sincerity of their apology to be truly of the utmost sincerity, then perhaps consider forgiveness as a viable option to show your love and understanding. Do make it very clear what your expectations and future consequences for any such actions will be.

Turn the tables.　
One final primary option is simply to sleep with someone else in order to even the score. This is not the most recommended of options, but if it helps you to stay in a relationship that you still want to stay in and do so without feeling as slighted by your partner, then you may want to consider this option to resolve the situation.

These are all common responses and it is really up to you to do what you feel is most appropriate for the situation.

Temptation has become so common that succumbing to it is almost excusable simply because people have become desensitized to it. Cheating still ruins relationships, but it isn’t the deal breaker that it used to be. Now instead of it demolishing a solid relationship out of existence, it just leaves it in shambles and more vulnerable to more cheating. But to actually break up a relationship because somebody has been unfaithful is starting to be a thing of the past.

This new tolerance for infidelity seems to have increased acceptance of it and is slowly making the concept of faithfulness portrayed as an unrealistic goal or expectation. This causes people to lose motivation to resist the temptations that are there to greet them every single day.

You would think that if everybody is now expecting to be cheated on at some point during their relationship they wouldn’t even bother pretending that they have the expectation of a monogamous relationship. The fact that they do, says that deep down, people still really want that in their relationship. They just don’t think they are really going to get it.

Some people try and rationalize that being unfaithful is not as bad as some people say it is. But they are not comparing a faithful couple’s relationship to that of a couple who do not value the element of trust and dependability that comes with being honest and faithful to each other. They have no concept of how different things really are between the two, and how much different relationships will become if people start abandoning the idea of fidelity.

If we start accepting the idea that there are no sacred relationships and no behavior that should be reserved for one person only, we are forfeiting our value as individuals. Embracing infidelity will not serve anybody in the long run, and hurt a lot of people for generations to come. It will bleed into all other relationships to the point that there will be nobody who can be trusted to have anybody else’s interests at heart but their own.

The rate of infidelity is alarming and very discouraging for those people who value faithfulness and integrity in another person. But for those who do, the good news is all the evidence of the unhappiness and misery that can be traced to being unfaithful. As people start to see more lives destroyed by this selfish act, there will be more people looking for someone who values being faithful as much as they do.

Diet

Avoid ingesting any foods that have custard or similar fillings. Also avoid eating anything artificial as much as you possibly can. Artificial foods may not exit the body as quickly as they enter it. Also keep the cheese and milk and meat to a minimum. Keep a special watch on your red meat products. Obviously don’t eat fat and refined sugars if you can avoid it. You can avoid it. It just takes will power. Make it an act of loving devotion to your partner.

Fitness

Staying fit or getting fit for your partner and yourself is an important aspect of maintaining a happy intimate relationship and your partner will certainly appreciate it. Do not slack off on your body’s fitness just because you are married now or your partner has been with you for so long. You may be surprised that your partner is happy to join in a fitness routine now that you are providing some motivation and taking the initiative. You can, of course, encourage your partner as well in a positive way and your partner will likely be even more readily willing to join in the fun. Fitness includes hygiene. Be sure to take care of your hygienic needs and floss if you can. Also, sugaring, waxing, or shaving are highly recommended for almost all body hair. Laser hair removal is optimal as it is a lasting solution.

Fashion

Fashion is a huge factor for an attractive partner in many parts of the world today. You may be surprised to find that there are a variety of ways to look good that are a good fit to just about any budget. The key is finding a style that looks good and also fits the budget. Forego nonsensical entertainment items and unnecessary gadgets in favor of wardrobe if your wardrobe is not yet up to speed with modern style. You may be surprised to find that you will likely feel better about your self in general just for the fact that you are paying attention to your presentation and may even get a promotion at work. Yet another aspect of dress that you will want to pay close attention to is not even so much your wardrobe, but how you wear it. Keep your clothes clean and don’t wear wrinkled clothing if you can avoid it. Also change into clothing for home or play that is different you’re your primary wardrobe. Some people may spend a lot of money on their wardrobe, yet don’t pay attention to how they wear it, while someone who spends much less and wears it with awareness and grace will actually look much better as it is really all about being properly manicured in addition to a chosen style.

Guilt is one of the strongest emotions that a person can experience. Guilt is the motivation for a lot of what happens after somebody cheats on their partner. Even the good and loving things that the cheater does can be coming straight from their gut wrenching guilt over what they did. Behaving extra attentive and considerate is a cheater’s way of trying to purge the sick feeling that plagues most people after doing what they know is wrong.

Some people actually believe that by confessing to the person they are with, that they cheated; they are doing the right thing. But they also expect to be forgiven, and for everything to go on as usual after that confession, especially if the person stays. There are also people who confess solely because they do feel so much guilt that they want relief for themselves, and they don’t give much thought to what happens after they confess; this type of person will usually cheat again, because they really want out of the relationship anyway. Then there is the passive aggressive confession; the one that is made with no words, only a lot of very hard to ignore actions. This person wants the truth to come out but is not mature enough to face the person and tell them; this person also has a high likelihood of cheating again because they refuse to take full responsibility for their actions.

It takes a strong and responsible person to own their transgressions against the ones they love. But it takes just as strong a person not to confess a hurtful thing they did when the only thing sure to come of it is pain to the other person.

Each person knows what their partner wants and expects out of their relationship. Some people really do not put as much value on complete fidelity as others do. It’s not that they want to be cheated on; they just wouldn’t see it as the absolute end of the relationship. The person who cheated will know if they are with somebody who thinks and feels this way. If they are, then it would probably make sense not to confess if they are completely sure it was an isolated incident and will not happen again. If they cannot be sure, they need to take into consideration that they may want an open relationship. If confessing to cheating may change the course of the relationship because the other person feels strongly against it, the fair thing to do would be to confess. Everybody has the right to know the true character and actions of a person they are considering having a future with. The same goes for a marriage if the other person would consider leaving if they knew; they have the right to know.

Only the cheater knows the right thing to do in their own situation, and the weight of the decision to confess or not to confess, sits on their shoulders alone, as it should. Ideally the simple possibility of having to confess to cheating would be enough of a deterrent to keep the potential cheater from going through with it at all.

The truth is that the internet is not a bad thing; in fact it has enhanced many of the ways that people do things. The people who use it for work and networking find it to be an invaluable tool. It is also an excellent way for people to do their part in being more environmentally friendly. Almost every transaction that once was kept track of with a paper trail is now saved in electronic files.

As convenient as the internet makes life, it also requires that people spend more time on their computers. With porn and dating sites a dime a dozen on the World Wide Web, some people’s curiosity gets the better of them. We know that curiosity killed the cat, but now that same curiosity is killing relationships at an alarming rate. The curiosity that starts out as an innocent thought about seeing what all the hype is about, can quickly turn into an addiction so strong that it can take years to get control of.
There are internet filters and safety measures to help parents keep a lot of the darker sides of the internet world away from their kids; but as adults, we shouldn’t have to rely on anything but our own common sense. Unfortunately, what is available at the stroke of a key has never been this easy to expose ourselves to.

For those people who become addicted to internet porn, chat rooms, and dating sites while single, this virtual walk on the wild side seems harmless. But this is when it can do the most lasting harm to the individual who gets caught up in it. When a person has the time and freedom to engage in these highly addictive behaviors, they can grow with nothing to stop them. Once the person does start a relationship, they try to hide their addiction or minimize it for fear of rejection. Eventually the other person finds out about the deception, but even when they find out, they still have no idea the extent of problem. When the person with the addiction is found out, they will apologize and swear that they have it under control, and promise to stop; but they rarely do. It just becomes a viscous cycle.

People already in committed relationships who inadvertently become addicted to this reckless behavior have less time to spend indulging it, thus adding the element of excitement and secrecy to what they are doing. These people have a lot to lose if they get caught, but even that doesn’t stop them.
There is no way to predict who will become addicted to these sites and the behavior they can cause, but most people are willing to take the chance with themselves and their relationship.

The human female:
The human female generally desires a human male with long lasting stability, usually financial, and prefers him to have some degree of social power. This is most likely based on a nesting instinct to ensure that her offspring will be nurtured to a healthy adulthood so her genetic mission of procreation will be fulfilled. She may desire a physically attractive man, but this is not at all the primary focus of an adult human female. She is, preferably, looking for a male with a very established nest in which to begin cultivating children. She is generally looking for a long term financial provider who will take care of her and her children for many years to come. It may sometimes seem that it is all about money, but long term consistency and stability is really best for what the human female primarily seeks. Something else that may come as a surprise to many human males is that the female actually prefers a male who blends well into society rather than one who stands out.

The human male:
The human male also generally desires something long lasting. The difference is that the human male primarily desires a female that will be attractive, emotionally supportive, and sexually satisfying for the long term. The innate desire for a physically attractive female is likely the fulfillment of the male’s genetic mission, essentially equivalent to the female’s desire for financial stability. In simple terms, the female is looking for a wealthy and affluent male, while the male is looking for an attractive and sexually gratifying female. Both are satisfying a genetic mission. If a human male’s sexual needs are not met, he will likely not be as effective in providing the long term financial stability the female innately desires him to. In certain circumstances, he may be driven to fulfill his sexual needs with another female.

It’s pretty simple, really. It isn’t so far off of what genetically drives other primate species. If you want your husband or boyfriend to stay faithful and give you what you need, then make sure you are doing the same. Lastly, never try to use what he desires to control him, as it will inevitably poison your relationship. This is a clinical look into the honest reality of human relationships; hopefully understanding your partner a little better will help to create a healthy and fulfilling relationship for both of you.

When we consider the vulnerabilities of an individual, we focus on the need for an escape from everyday life. Daily living has its pressures that may cause frustration and boredom. People often turn to affairs to take these emotions away. These people seek acceptance and care. They need to boost their self-esteem and perhaps feel young and alive again. The truth is that infidelity is usually a quick fix to try to remedy deep and complicated issues. While they may feel alive, young, and admired for a short period of time, there are issues that need to be addressed and require more than instant gratification. A person’s attitude toward monogamy plays an influential role in infidelity. Someone who firmly and sincerely believes that infidelity is completely wrong will probably not engage in it. This, however, is not always the case, as individuals who express a strong disdain toward infidelity often fall into its trap. Happy marriages are affected by it, too.

Other causes of infidelity include marital or relationship problems. People in relationships sometimes feel lonely, ignored, and dissatisfied. It is always important to keep the relationship healthy, both emotionally and sexually. Money, children, in-laws and other factors can always cause complications and reasons to argue and drift apart. Refusal of sex is often used as a form of punishment in a relationship. This can only cause harm. Other potential causes of infidelity include fear of intimacy and changes in life cycles and roles (like the start of parenthood), which can cause a lot of stress. It is important to learn how to communicate effectively in a relationship, if you want to prevent infidelity. For some people, however, cheating is deliberately done to end their current marriages. These people need to be cautious, however, because a secret affair cannot be compared to a long-term relationship.

Further, cheating is also related to the social or cultural background of people. Some cultures are tolerant to infidelity, while some are accepting of it when it comes to men only. In addition, some professions, like those in the entertainment industry, have a higher tolerance to it. Individuals who regard infidelity as an entitlement that is linked to their gender or status usually do not feel much guilt about the cheating.

Regardless of the causes of infidelity, people need to take charge of their marriages and relationships and make sure that they are working toward maintaining them. They need to be aware of their vulnerabilities and weaknesses that may lead to cheating. It is their responsibility to have open communication with their partners and spouses to make sure that their voice is heard and that their needs are met. In turn, they must be good listeners and hear what they are, in turn, being told. Honesty and trust go a long way.

Simply defined, infidelity is the cheating on a spouse that takes place despite marriage vows that call for forsaking others. Many people confuse infidelity with adultery. While they can be used interchangeably, there are differences. Adultery is the sexual relationship that takes place between a married man or woman and someone else. Infidelity is not as well defined. Experts disagree on its meaning. In the past few years, however, there is somewhat of an agreement that infidelity refers to both sexual and emotional relationships. Therefore, sex is not always a factor when it comes to infidelity. Having a powerful emotional connection or flirtation with a colleague or friend might just do it.

Therefore, there are different forms of infidelity—sexual and emotional (the most damaging), non-sexual but emotional, non-emotional and sexual. In all of these, we have an involvement that takes place outside of a relationship. This is the definition of infidelity. The phenomenon has certainly grown recently with the spread of the Internet and the entry of women into male-dominated workplaces. With men and women in close proximity at work, there are increased chances of cheating and affairs. The Internet allows strangers from all over the world to connect and build a relationship. Many people go online to make friends in their spare time, but as time goes by friendships turn into emotional relationships or infidelity. When the people meet face-to-face, sexual relations might also ensue.

Because of the Internet, virtual infidelity is growing. The Internet provides an easy way to escape to a different lifestyle with a person who is not part of your daily routine. People whose religion does not allow divorce, as well as people who do not know how to work on their marriages, often turn to the Internet for sex, admiration, excitement, and companionship. Secret relationships develop easily via this medium. It is fast and simple. No one needs to know and you can even stay anonymous, if you choose.

Even though virtual infidelity is on the rise, many people still take the traditional route and find their thrills at work. The workplace is a common breeding ground for affairs. Colleagues work side by side for long hours. This causes connections to form and temptations to arise. Workplace infidelity often springs up as a surprise. People in stable marriages, who do not seek an affair, often fall into its trap. The factors that play into this are the need for emotional intimacy, sexual attraction, deception, and secrecy.

Pre-nuptial agreements

When you’re getting married, the last thing you want to do is consider the possibility that the marriage will fail because of infidelity. At the same time, the ever-rising divorce rate is an indication that you need to make plans ahead of time. Your lawyer can create a pre-nuptial agreement – a contract that determines who will receive certain financial and custody rights in the event of a divorce. While you may never need to enact this contract, it can give you peace of mind knowing that you won’t have to go through a bitter divorce to free yourself from an impossible situation.

Debts and housing

When you decide that you want a divorce, you’ll need to begin the process of separating your assets. In some cases, your spouse may decide to run up credit cards or build up joint debts in order to make it harder for you to leave the relationship. If you don’t know that your spouse is committing adultery, it may be even more difficult to recover from the financial impact of a divorce. That’s why it’s prudent to always have your own bank accounts and credit cards – it’s crucial to make sure that your finances are as separate from your spouse’s as possible.

Childcare and alimony

Typically, women receive custody of the children in the relationship, as well as alimony payments from their spouses. That said, in this changing world, fathers are increasing gaining custody and the right to obtain support from their ex-wives. In many cases, both of these issues can prolong divorce proceedings. It’s absolutely vital to seek the advice of an attorney specializing in divorce proceedings to understand your rights and responsibilities.

Determining where your children will live may be the one place where you’ll need to fight to do what’s best for your children. You’ll need to understand, and continually investigate, your children’s home situation to make sure that your spouse’s new partner does not abuse your child. In order to accomplish this, you’ll need at least joint custody or direct access to your children when they’re in contact with your spouse.

Without question, when your husband or wife cheats on you, the effects will be felt in every area of your life. Chances are, your first instinct will be to end the marriage as quickly as possible. That said, the financial consequences of a divorce and an angry partner can impact you for the rest of your life. In most cases, the best time to address these issues is before they ever happen with proper financial planning.

Differing views of adultery

Today, over 1/3 of the people in America are suffering from financially induced stress. Perhaps it should come as no surprise that some individuals are becoming more prone to committing adultery as a result of this stress. It’s possible that a person may simply need to be with someone that doesn’t share the exact same bills or other financial problems that you do.

While this is enormously difficult to accept, it’s also important to realize that some foreign countries wouldn’t exactly consider this to be adultery. In some societies, it is considered normal to have a financially-based marital relationship, as well as a lover to whom there are no financial or emotional ties. That said, separating the emotional and physical factors of sexuality and marriage can be difficult, especially when you feel that the commitment you’ve made should be equal and exclusive on both sides.

Sexual aspects of marriage

Many people feel that a cheating spouse means they are inadequate in fulfilling their sexual obligations. At the same time, it’s just as possible that the partner committing adultery may be the one with sexual issues. These may include changes in sexual needs that they aren’t able to communicate to their partner, fears related to decreased responsiveness and many other emotional and psychological factors.

If you sense there are problems in the sexual aspects of your relationship, it’s important to ask and listen carefully to the answers that you receive. Many times, these problems are easily resolved within the marriage or through the assistance of marriage counselors. In some other cases, a visit to a doctor may also help alleviate fears about growing older and the changes surrounding aging and sexual health.

The wrong partner

As we grow older, our interests, personalities and outlooks change. In some cases, we may become so different from our spouses, that there’s little reason to stay in the marriage. Unfortunately, committing adultery won’t solve this problem. However, these feelings of estrangement are a strong and certain indication that your marriage needs some kind of professional intervention – so don’t ignore these signs.

When you commit to a marriage, you probably expect the relationship to last for life. However, infidelity in the marriage can make it seem like you aren’t living up to your marital agreements. Without question, you’ll need to understand why the adultery happened in the first place. Because the issues are often deeply rooted, it’s best to have these discussions in the presence of a marriage counselor in order to reach some sort of reconciliation.

Signs you may commit adultery

It’s normal to feel attracted to someone other than your spouse from time to time – let’s face it, we’re all human with natural needs and urges. That said, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to handle these feelings. One of the things you’ll need to ask yourself is whether you’re really attracted to the other person, or just to the sense of adventure involved in pursing an illicit affair.

If you find that the idea of a secret affair is more exciting than actually being with the person, you’ll definitely need to talk things over with a psychologist. You may be subconsciously dealing with issues related to mid-life, as well as ones related to financial stresses shared with your spouse. You may also want to see your doctor and make sure that there are no physiological reasons that might lead to you have an affair.

Facing marital problems

There’s no question that today’s economy is something akin to poison for many marriages. Aside from fighting over money with your spouse, you may find yourself enjoying the company of someone that does not share your specific financial problems. Unfortunately, what starts out as a platonic friendship can turn into an affair for any variety of reasons.

If you find yourself needing to discuss problems that you would normally discuss with your spouse with someone else, it’s crucial to step back and evaluate your situation. You may come to realize that you and your spouse are evolving in different directions. Rather than seek further comfort in someone else, it would be better to go for marriage counseling or consider separation before you begin a relationship with someone else.

Getting professional help

It may seem impossible to consider asking for help if you’re about to commit adultery. However, your spouse may be the best person to help you fight the temptation. Of course, if you explain that there are aspects of the marriage that bother you, your spouse will likely be offended and upset. However, they may also be willing to go in for marriage counseling rather than have more serious problems develop down the line.

Unfortunately, once you have an affair, you’ll lose the personal pride that comes with being trusted by your spouse. In addition, whatever is triggering you to have an affair needs to be dealt with by both you and your spouse. It can be said that the leading cause of infidelity is married partners that can’t communicate effectively. In many cases, if you make an effort to let your spouse know something is wrong, you’ll have a much better chance of saving your marriage.

Unexpected meetings

Of course, if you catch your spouse in the act of cheating on you, there’s really no choosing the time or place of your first meeting. However, running into your spouse’s new partner unexpectedly can be just as uncomfortable. Before you get into this situation, it’s very important to plan for how you’ll manage it. Imagine what you’ll say if you run into this person in a store or around town. While it’s not necessary to acknowledge this person, it’s still best to have some polite answers ready to avoid babbling or awkward silences.

Choosing a time and place

In some cases, you may not meet your spouse’s new partner until it’s time to go to court for divorce or custody proceedings. This is already a stressful setting, and is likely to color your impressions of the partner. If you plan to keep an eye on your children while they are with your spouse, it’s crucial to establish some kind of relationship with the lover. Therefore, it may be prudent to request a meeting in a neutral place, such as a restaurant or other public location. This will make it easier for you to try and meet each other as human beings, rather than adversaries in a family nightmare.

Managing discomfort

Regardless of where you meet, all parties are bound to be embarrassed and uncomfortable. And although it’s tempting, it won’t do any good to promote this distress. If anything, it will only make it harder for your children, as well as for you to work through all of the issues that come with infidelity. It’s also important to remember that many spouses cheat simply for the excitement of having a dangerous secret. In these cases, it may be possible that having a calm, reasonable meeting will take away some of the drama. You may even find that the extra-marital relationship breaks up on its own.

There is no good way to go about meeting a spouse’s lover for the first time. However, depending on how you handle this meeting, you may be able to make the best of a horrible situation. If you expect the relationship to continue, you’ll need to think about this other person being in contact with your children and playing a role in their lives. Therefore, you’ll want to do what you can to make sure that you can investigate the home on a routine basis and effectively report incidences of abuse should they arise.

Violation of trust

Even with the best of intentions for reconciliation, you may find it difficult to trust a partner who’s cheated on you. Unfortunately, a matter of broken trust is about more than hurt feelings. Many spouses that have been cheated on realize that if their partner cheated once, it’s likely they will do so again. Rather than go through the upheaval associated with finding out all over again, they conclude that it is better to end the marriage.

Guilt and embarrassment

There’s no question that being cheated on can create an enormous number of self-esteem issues. Even if you believe that you’re an attractive person, you’re bound to wonder what your spouse saw in the other person. Chances are, if you stop and look at the words and feelings you’re aiming at your spouse, you’ll find that – at some level – you also blame yourself. If you’ve been cheated on, it’s crucial to seek psychological counseling in order to come to terms with these and other issues.

Wanting to commit to the other person

Interestingly enough, it’s not always the spouse that’s been cheated on that wants to end the marriage. In some cases, the partner that commits the infidelity may decide to pursue a new marriage to their lover. As can be expected, this can place an enormous emotional burden on the spouse that was cheated on to begin with.

Starting a new life

Regardless of which partner commits adultery, divorce offers both partners an opportunity to start a new life. Of course, the changes that come with getting a divorce aren’t easy to deal with, but it’s also important to keep in mind that once the divorce is finalized, you can start doing all of the things you never thought you’d be able to do within the confines of your marriage.

Fear of sexually transmitted diseases

When you’ve gone to the effort of getting married, you usually expect to be in a monogamous relationship for the rest of your life. Within that structure, you typically expect to be free from the risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Unfortunately, if your spouse cheats on you, there’s no way to guarantee that you won’t contract an STD from his or her new partner. For some people, this concern alone is enough to make them want to end the marriage, rather than risk a future of uncertainty.

Many people look at infidelity and a subsequent divorce as the worst disaster of their lives. However, if you can’t live with your partner because of infidelity, divorce may be the best option for you. In fact, if you look at divorce as the process that frees you from the limitations of a bad relationship, you may find that you’ll be better off than you were before the divorce.

Emotional issues

Many studies have shown that it’s best for children to have both parents in their lives. Even if a step parent is not abusive, it will still be difficult for a child to form the kinds of bonds they have with their birth parents. If you’re planning to get a divorce, it’s important to do everything you can to make sure that your children have some kind of emotional support beyond you and your ex – whether it’s seeing a psychologist or just looking for social interactions that won’t be affected by the divorce.

Living between two homes

One of the hardest parts of divorce for children is trying to maintain a stable life while living between two homes. Regardless of how hard you and your former spouse may try, it may prove impossible to share custody in a way that provides a consistent routine for your child. Unfortunately, it isn’t easy to lessen the impact of constantly having to travel from one home to another. Open communication with your child is the best way to ensure that his or her needs are met as much as possible.

Social trauma

Even though many children today come from broken homes, there’s still an enormous social burden placed on the child. Among other things, if a child has to go from one parent’s house to another on the weekends, they may miss out on vital socializing opportunities with their school friends. You’ll also find that the constant disruption over the holidays and vacations will also take a toll on normal social development.

When it comes to custody decisions, many couples choose one parent for weekdays and the other for weekends and vacations. Aside from being confusing, there are a number of consequences to this kind of arrangement. If you find that your children don’t have as many friends at school, or that they’re often frustrated with social situations, it may be a good indicator that the custody arrangements are contributing to the problem.

Rather than simply ignore the fact that your child’s social life is being disrupted by divorce, it’s important to face this fact and take steps to amend the situation. Among other things, you may want to find a way to incorporate more flexible guidelines in terms of when each parent has custody. Actually talking to your spouse in order to make these arrangements may be extremely difficult, but it’s important to find a way to do it to ensure that your children’s needs are met.

Celebrity role models vs. local role models

Even though Hillary Clinton did not divorce her husband, many women felt she should have done so. On the other hand, just as many others applauded Clinton’s willingness to honor her marriage vows and act as a stabilizing force in her family, and perhaps for the country. Regardless of how you felt about this situation, there are many other role models for you to consider.

For example, chances are you have female friends or co-workers that caught a husband in the act of committing adultery. You may find that some of these women filed for divorce as quickly as possible, while others chose marriage counseling to try and work through their problems. Unfortunately, you have probably also heard about the enormous financial repercussions of divorce, as well as the impact on any children the couple had. Listen to their experiences, but also remember to choose the path that makes sense for you and your relationship.

Preparing for infidelity before it happens

In today’s world, women are still often thought of as dependent on their husbands for financial support. Even if a woman works, it’s very hard to break this stereotypical impression. That said, having a job, your own friends, and a life independent of your husband can be immensely helpful. At the very least, if you do find yourself having to cope with infidelity and divorce, you’ll have a wider number of options available to you.

Weighing your options

If you find that your husband is cheating on you, you may not want to try and save your marriage. However, you’ll need to make sure that you protect yourself and your children from the consequences of a hasty decision. Before making any rash moves, consider financial and custody related issues. Even if you do decide to end your marriage, it’s important to understand why it failed so that you don’t make the same mistake twice.

It’s also important to make sure that you understand why your husband decided to commit adultery. That said, before you ask this question, you may want to seek the help of a marriage counselor or psychologist. In some cases, it may be best to not ask this question until both of you are in a therapeutic setting. With a counselor present, there will be a neutral third person who can observe and find ways to uncover the truth about a wide number of relationship issues.

Without question, coming to terms with marital infidelity is difficult. For a woman, there are a number of issues to consider including both monetary and child custody situations. As you weight financial and family-related options, you’ll also need to make sure that you have emotional and spiritual support. As you might expect, there are a number of people that can help you get through this difficult time.

Advantages of marriage counseling

A marriage counselor can help uncover the reasons why your marriage is failing. Even if you don’t want to hear about the negative aspects of your role in the marriage, it may save you substantial grief later on. You’ll be more aware of your own personal issues and understand how they impact your partner. As both you and your spouse work through these issues, you may be able to save your marriage and move forward together, or at least work towards a more amicable separation.

Disadvantages of marriage counseling

Even if you’re committed to saving your marriage, going through counseling is hard work. Both you and your partner will be discussing a number of highly-charged, emotional issues. You may find that you argue more or develop other problems as a result of the counseling process. In addition, you may find that the cost of marriage counseling is outside of your financial means. However, the cost of divorce is likely to be more expensive than what you’ll pay for counseling, and you may be able to find church and community-based guidance for free.

Emotional issues

Even in modern society, it’s still difficult to think of mental and emotional illnesses as being no different from physical ailments. The social stigma surrounding the very act of seeking professional help from a therapist can be enormous. You may find yourself suffering from emotional issues like depression or unmanageable anxiety as the result of your decision to seek counseling. That said, if you want help with saving your marriage or coming to terms with infidelity, this is one of the best things you can do.

In addition, it can be difficult to trust a third person with the future of your marriage. Considering that a “third party” already interfered with your marriage, you may feel like adding a marriage counselor will be useless. At the same time, if your therapist makes a suggestion, you may automatically start worrying about whether or not your spouse will accept it. While these barriers may be difficult to work through, it’s important to remember that your marriage counselor is a licensed professional who’s there to help you as much as possible.

Unfortunately, marriage counseling may not result in moving forward with your marriage. However, if you’re dealing with infidelity, going through the counseling process may help you uncover valuable information about yourself and your relationship style. Even if you can’t save your current marriage, at the very least, you’ll know more about how to have a more healthy relationship when you’re ready to try again.

Abuse issues

Over the years, researchers have uncovered a great deal of information about the people most likely to abuse children. In particular, children are often sexually, emotionally, and physically abused by step-parents, especially those who enter the family following infidelity. Therefore, when one spouse commits adultery, it’s crucial to consider the possibility that your child may be abused by a step-parent at some point in the future. Unfortunately, that abuse may come at the hands of your own partner as easily as it can from your ex-spouse’s partner.

Impacts of infidelity on lifestyle

Most children don’t know how to respond when they learn that their parents are having marital problems. You may also find that sudden behavior changes in your children are caused by these issues. At the same time, you probably won’t have sufficient emotional resources to devote to your children as you’re coping with the ending of your own relationship. During these times, it’s essential to seek psychological counseling for yourself, as well as your children.

Getting help

Regardless of whether you are the spouse committing adultery or not, you’ll need to make sure that your children obtain as much help as possible. In particular, they’ll need the support and advice of a child psychologist. It’s also important to do what you can to make sure that your children maintain the stable friendships they have built with people their own age. While other children can’t take the place of a parent, your child may feel more comfortable sharing their feelings with someone else their own age.

When children grow up

The decisions that you make about infidelity will have enormous repercussions on the future of your children. If they aren’t taught better, they may grow up and choose abusive partners, or become abusive themselves. You may find that your children will cheat on their partners, based on the example set by your or your spouse. Unless your children have adequate psychological counseling, they may wind up in broken marriages themselves, without understanding why it happened.

Chances are, when you first got married, the last thing you wanted to believe was that your spouse would cheat on you. In a similar way, the birth of a child is a time to celebrate some of the most powerful and beautiful aspects of a happy marriage. Unfortunately, when a spouse commits adultery, all of the family stability is robbed from the children. Since a child can’t simply choose to go live elsewhere, get a job, or remove themselves from the situation, you’ll have to do what you can to make the situation as easy as possible for them.

Lack of role models

Chances are, the minute you hear the word infidelity, you think of former New York mayor Eliot Spitzer or former US President Bill Clinton. Unfortunately, you may have a much more difficult time thinking of a male celebrity that has dealt with the immediate issue of an unfaithful wife. Similarly, it may be difficult to find role models in your own community – leaving you with fewer resources to turn to. If possible, try to seek out any male friends or colleagues that are going through the same issues as you are for support.

Emotional impact of infidelity

Statistically speaking, men have a harder time recovering from broken relationships than women. Even though men rarely talk about their feelings, it doesn’t mean that the pain and grief are any less. At the same time, finding help in contemporary society may be difficult. When confronting infidelity, you may find it helpful to find a psychologist or other type of counselor who focuses on men in adulterous relationships to help you with the healing process.

Deciding what to do

Once you know that your wife has committed adultery, you’ll need to decide what you want to do about it. At first, you’ll need to gain control of any urges to commit a criminal act. However, before you act impulsively, give yourself some time to calm down and consider the situation as rationally as possible. One of the best things you can do is go see a lawyer to discuss your options. It may helpful to seek the support of a clergyman, as well as a psychologist.

After you’ve had some time to come to terms with the infidelity, you can begin the process of letting your wife know what you want to do about your marriage – whether you choose to leave the relationship or seek outside help in repairing it. During this process, it will be important to listen and try to understand where things went wrong. This may make it easier to avoid a similar situation later in life.

Seeking help from marriage counselors

Infidelity does not mean you have to end your marriage. If you both see a marriage counselor and work to repair your relationship, you may be able to find ways to renew your commitment to each other. Seeking counseling will also help both partners come to terms with the issues within the marriage that may have contributed to one partner making the decision to find someone else.

Every year, thousands of marriages end in divorce. When the issue revolves around infidelity, it is not always the men that are unfaithful. That said, it’s often hard for men to find the resources and support they need to deal with these issues. Nevertheless, if you’re a man in this situation, it’s still important to obtain the assistance of a lawyer and a psychologist. Depending on your situation, it may be possible to save your marriage by seeking the help of a marriage counselor.

Advantages of hiring a private investigator

Chances are, it will be safer and easier to hire a private investigator than to try to investigate the situation yourself, since you won’t need to worry about how you’ll feel when you see your spouse and lover meeting. At the same time, the private investigator will be able to gather all the evidence that you’ll need, should you decide to pursue divorce proceedings. You may also find that the impartial activities of a private investigator will make it easier for you to navigate tricky divorce and child custody proceedings.

Disadvantages of hiring a private investigator

When you suspect that your spouse is cheating, you’ll probably want to know immediately. Unfortunately, it may take days or even weeks for a private investigator to gather enough evidence to be of use to you. While waiting for this information may be difficult, you’ll need to wait things out to allow the person you hired to do a thorough job.

You’ll also find that private investigators charge by the hour and type of service. They may need to follow your spouse for hours before catching them with a partner, which can quickly add up on your bill. Similarly, if you want to know who your spouse’s partner is, the investigator may charge an additional fee to perform a background check and other research.

Selecting a private investigator

Depending on where you live, your state may require private investigators to be licensed in order to provide services. In some states, the only private investigators you can hire are ones that are or have been involved in law enforcement. While you may feel uncomfortable with the process of selecting a private investigator, it’s important to interview several of them. You may also want to contact your lawyer to see if they can recommend an investigator that can take care of your situation.

Among other things, you’ll want to ask them how long it will take them to find out if your spouse is cheating. You’ll also need to ask about hourly rates, as well as any other costs that may be incurred. For example, some private investigators may charge you for having pictures printed or to pay additional staff members to follow your spouse. If the person you select has a good bit of experience in these matters, he/she should be able to give you a reasonable cost and time estimate.

Many people that suspect a spouse is committing adultery are skeptical of hiring a private investigator, but there are a number of benefits to hiring this type of person. In particular, you won’t have to follow your spouse around, let alone face the facts of adultery on your own. Unfortunately, hiring a private investigator will not guarantee that you won’t find out by accident first. If you do choose to go this route, research potential investigators with the same care you would any other type of private contractor.

Get professional advice

Before you say anything to your spouse, it may be helpful to seek professional advice. Among other things, you’ll want to discuss the issue with a lawyer, as well as with any spiritual and psychological advisors you’re close to. These people will give you the opportunity to gain some perspective and help you to sort out how you want to manage your future. Even if your spouse is committing adultery, at least you’ll know what you want to do about it.

Hire a private investigator

If you’re going to confront your spouse, it may be best to hire a private investigator to learn if your suspicions are accurate or not. This will also give you a chance to find out more information about who the extramarital partner is. Although this information may not give you much comfort, you’ll at reduce the anxiety of wondering who this person is in your mind. In addition, if your spouse won’t admit the truth, you can simply present the evidence found by the investigator.

Confront your spouse

Once you’re certain that your spouse is cheating, you’ll probably want to confront them. Unfortunately, you may not be able to put as much time and effort into planning this moment as you’d like. For example, many people don’t need to hire a private detective – rather, they simply return home a few hours early and catch their spouse with their lover. Without question, this is a horribly embarrassing situation.

If you have the opportunity, it’s much better to set aside some time and calmly discuss the matter. If you’re afraid of violence, it’s best to make sure that you don’t need to return to your home. You may need to secure an apartment and make sure that your spouse won’t be able to find you before confronting him or her. In this case, it will also be to your benefit to have this confrontation in a public place or at least in a location where you can easily obtain help.

There are an endless number of ways to find out whether or not your spouse is cheating on you, and there are just as many ways to let your spouse know that you’re aware of the situation. In all cases, the best thing you can do is to be honest with yourself about the signs of infidelity and take appropriate action to manage your response. This will give you time to gain control of your emotions, as well as ensure that you’re prepared to deal with each part of coming to terms with infidelity.

Advantages

Oddly enough, divorcing a cheating spouse can be an enormous benefit to you. In particular, once you’re out of the marriage, you can begin thinking about redefining who you are and what you want to do with your life. For example, if you feel that you made mistakes in your marriage or career choice, this is your chance to remedy those issues. You may even want to move to a new area, or completely change your lifestyle as a result of your divorce.

Disadvantages

If you have children or a number of joint financial aspects, divorce can have a number of serious repercussions. Among other things, you’ll need to sort out custody decisions, as well as determine who will be responsible for joint debts. Aside from this, you may also find yourself in a situation where your spouse will do everything possible to make the divorce proceeding as difficult as possible. This can take an enormous emotional toll on you throughout the process.

Letting go of your marriage

Once you’ve decided to end your marriage, many people feel that divorce is nothing more than a formality. That said, if you partner does not feel the same way about it, you may not be able to complete the divorce proceedings as quickly as you might like. If you find yourself in this position, it’s important to stay focused on your goal and keep moving towards the day when you’re legally free of your cheating spouse.

Initiating divorce proceedings

Regardless of whether or not your spouse is amenable to a divorce, you can start the proceedings on your own. Typically, all you’ll need to do is to find a lawyer that specializes in divorce. If you have a pre-marital agreement, the lawyer will be able to use that to draw up the divorce papers. Once completed, you can deliver divorce papers in person or find some other way to serve them on your spouse.

Once your spouse has been informed in writing that you want a divorce, they’ll have the opportunity to contest the divorce, or any of the various clauses in the paperwork. You may also find that you have to go to court a number of times to settle debt and custody issues. While this may take some time to settle, once it’s done, you’ll be free to move forward with a whole new life.

Divorce can be a horrible, terrifying experience. However, if your spouse has cheated on you, the last thing you may want to do is stay in the marriage. In this situation, staying married may expose you to all kinds of emotional stress and psychological strain. That said, before you initiate divorce proceedings, you’ll need to carefully consider all your options and choose the one that’s best for you.

Maintaining contact with your spouse

Depending on your circumstances, you may wish to remain married but not live with your spouse. If you decide to pursue this option, make a list of all the reasons that you are staying in the marriage. Try to look objectively at these reasons and see if you can reduce or eliminate them with some effort. For example, if your main reasons are related to money, look for ways to gain financial independence. While this may be a slow process, it will also give you and your spouse time to come to terms with the situation.

Moving to a new area

Many people that have been cheated on decide to move to a new area following their divorces. In many cases, meeting new people and seeing new places will give you a different perspective and help you to move on from your failed relationship. At the very least, you won’t be stuck in the same setting where there will be constant reminders of the past and everything you lost.

Finding a new partner

Without question, deciding to enter into a new romantic relationship is a difficult process. You may find yourself constantly thinking about the fact you failed in your first relationship. Consequently, before you start dating again, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a psychologist or counselor. This will give you a chance to learn more about yourself, as well as recognize any crucial relationship patterns you may have or baggage you’re holding onto from your failed marriage.

Being and staying single

Many people hold onto painful relationships because they’re afraid of being alone. On the other hand, if you’re willing to step outside of this fear, you may find that your newly-found freedom will be the best time of your life. When you’re content with being on your own, you won’t need to worry about gaining approval or acceptance. You may even find this is the perfect time to travel, pursue other interests, or even work towards a career change that’s meaningful to you.

Even though finding out about an extra-marital affair can be shocking and painful, it does give you a chance to build a new life for yourself. Unfortunately, emotional, financial, and relationship factors can make it even more difficult for you to find happiness outside of the marriage you were planning to stay in for the rest of your life. Although it will take some time to adjust, it is possible to find the kind of relationship and lifestyle that you want to have.

There are many seemingly obvious infidelity warning signs that are genuine actions that don’t spell disaster and aren’t anyway related to your spouse jumping into bed with someone else.

If you believe that your spouse is cheating on you, do your homework before you start throwing any accusations around. What you perceive to be infidelity warning signs might prove to be signs that your spouse is having an affair but they might not:

• Accuse them of infidelity when they’re innocent might cause problems in an otherwise rock solid marriage.

• Accuse them without proof and they might convince you that you are paranoid.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t act on your gut feel or ignore infidelity warning signs but don’t panic when you first begin to feel that there is a problem with your marriage and don’t let your partner know of your concerns without having hard evidence.

Some infidelity warning signs could be quite innocent such as:

• A sudden interest in the gym (they might just want to get fit)

• Seemingly guilty when on the phone (could be planning a surprise)

• Clearing old test messages (could just be good housekeeping)

• History wiped on the computer (possibly had to clean the computer)

If you feel there is something wrong don’t ignore the warning signs. I’m saying that there could be an innocent reason, not that there is. Any concerns of infidelity need to be resolved if you’re just being paranoid you need to prove it to yourself and if you’re not you need to catch that cheating spouse.

For more help and advice on infidelity visit http://www.commonmarriageproblems.marriagehealth.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Ross

Remember that you aren’t a bad person for getting a divorce. Of course you should try to work through your problems with a professional first, but if you and your spouse can’t get along for any reason, then there’s no reason to stay together in a situation that makes you both unhappy. Think ahead to the future and the well-being of yourself and your children, if any. Staying in a bad marriage can be bad for your health – in fact, the stress and pain of your situation can cause physical symptoms and illnesses.

Stress increases the production of chemicals like cortisone that trigger all sorts of changes in your body. Over time, your body learns to adapt to consistent high levels of stress by changing the type and amount of chemicals produced in your brain. These changes can trigger emotional problems like depression and anxiety, as well as physical symptoms like headache, nausea and indigestion. Your stress can literally make you sick – so it’s important to do everything possible to remain positive during these trying times.

Do everything you can to stay positive while you’re going through a divorce – for your emotional well-being and physical health. It may be hard, but try not to let yourself be dragged down by everything that’s going on around you. If you’re the recipient of any untruthful accusations, take a deep breath and think twice before responding in a negative way. It’s important to stay strong to defend your name and your reputation.

Try to surround yourself with positive people during your divorce – and throughout your life as well. Positive, upbeat friends and members of your family will help you keep having fun and laughing throughout your divorce. This will keep you in a positive atmosphere, helping you to remain calm and rational during the proceedings. Conversely, if you spend your time with depressed or mean people, you may find these traits rubbing off on you!

Although it can be difficult, you’ve got to be ready to move on with your life once the divorce is over – no matter what the outcome. Use this time as a transition period, enabling you to rediscover goals and dreams for your life that you may have put off. Working hard to stay in a positive frame of mind ensures that you have the mental and emotional fortitude to tackle these new changes. There are always second chances and you deserve to have one.

The first thing to do is to reduce unnecessary expenses as soon as possible. Divorce is expensive and sooner or later, you’ll need money to pay the legal bills. Sell off any personal property you no longer need or want – including extra furniture, unused cars or expensive clothing and trinkets. It’s possible that anything left over will be considered in your divorce settlement, so now’s the time to cut the fat.

The next thing to look at is any jointly owned credit cards you and your spouse hold. One thing to consider is that you can be held accountable for your spouse’s debt – even after you divorce – if your spouse defaults on any outstanding balance on your joint credit cards. To protect yourself, pay off the balances on your jointly owned credit cards and then close the accounts.

Better still – if you aren’t yet married – consider signing a prenuptial agreement that states you can’t be held responsible for your spouses debt. Give a copy of this paperwork to a credit agency before you open an account. Unfortunately, this type of protection only works if you haven’t yet opened the account – not if you’ve already accrued a balance – so it’s something to think about if you marry again in the future.

If you suspect that a divorce is coming and share a joint checking account with your partner, immediately open a personal checking account and start routing your finances through that account. Divorce can be stressful, and the last thing you need is for your spouse to clear out the account and take off, leaving you with nothing. When you open this account, do so at a different bank – don’t stay with the same company where you and your partner have joint accounts.

Immediately stop contributing money to any joint 401K retirement or pension plans you and your spouse own. In most cases, you can do so by letting your employer know or by making similar arrangements with your discount brokerage firm. You’ll also want to change the beneficiaries on these accounts and on any insurance policies you own. Make sure that any assets you have will be redirected to family and friends in the event of an emergency – not your spouse.

Finally, if you aren’t currently working, it’s time to find a job. If you’ve relied on your partner’s income for awhile, this will be tough, but you’ve got to learn to support yourself. If your divorce settlement doesn’t include any income from your spouse, you’ll have to find some way to meet your financial needs. Divorce is a tough, frustrating thing, but learning to protect yourself and your finances in the first step in getting through the process.

Custody Arrangements

Parents going through a divorce will have to work hard to put aside their anger and resentment for each other, in order to make the necessary arrangements for themselves and their young children. If at all possible, it’s best for parents to work out custody arrangements on their own – the trauma of going through court proceedings can be difficult for children to understand and can lead to repressed feelings that surface later in life.

Of course, divorce – in most cases – is not that simple. There may be points of contention and arguments that become so heated that you can’t settle them on your own. If you do seek legal intervention in solving child custody disputes, it’s important to remember to put your parental duties first and your emotions second. Children may lack the emotional tools to cope with the stress of custody disputes, so it’s up to you to keep your values as a parent and help them as best you can.

Talking with Children about Divorce

Under no circumstances should you attempt to keep the divorce a secret from your children. They’ll sense that something’s up between you and your partner – not being clear will make them wonder if they’re the cause of your angst. Give them time to process the decision before one parent moves out so that the child will have time to adjust to the thought and ask any needed questions. Above all, repeatedly reassure the child that both of you love him or her very much and that they are not the cause of your separation.

When speaking to your children, steer clear of placing blame on your partner for the separation. Be careful not to put down your partner in any way – putting your children in the middle of your divorce won’t make anyone feel better! It’s important for kids to know that they still have two parents who love them and will take care of them regardless of your new situation.

Finding Closure

Most children going through a divorce will experience a period where they’ll try to get the two of you back together. Therefore, it’s important to let them know that it was a mutual decision, that you both did your best to avoid this ending and that there’s nothing they can do to change the situation. Be gentle with them when they make these attempts, but don’t let them continue thinking that getting back together is a possibility when it isn’t. Give children the opportunity to ask you any questions they want, and be patient as they work through these complicated emotions.

Divorce is especially hard on children. They may lack the experience to process their feelings and the cognitive capacity to express themselves in words. Therefore, giving the child the right information – but not too much information – is extremely important. Don’t let them feel anxious or worried about things that aren’t their concern. Give them time to feel comfortable with the news and adjust to the idea of a new family life before making major changes to your living arrangements.

Natural as it may be, if you experience jealousy in your relationships, you know that it can be frustrating, annoying, painful and even embarrassing. Most experts agree that if left untamed, jealousy can single-handedly destroy an otherwise great relationship. However, although many people believe they are predetermined to be jealous, it’s possible to stop jealousy and improve your relationships.

Why do we experience jealousy?

Fear of rejection or abandonment – whether conscious or subconscious – is one of the major reasons we experience jealousy. Some psychologists believe we can trace the root of this reaction back to prehistoric times. When there were fewer people around, building relationships was of utmost importance for protection and survival. Therefore, it makes sense that we would develop a keen instinct to know when these relationships were being threatened.

Even though we’ve long since passed the caveman era when having strong relationships could mean the difference between life and death, we still feel this instinctual need to protect our relationships. And it makes sense – after all, you still want to preserve the bonds and connections you’ve created. But if jealousy is a constant factor in your relationship, you might want to examine whether this emotion is coming from an instinctual, subconscious place or from legitimate fears you have about the fidelity of your partner.

So what to do?

If you fear that jealousy might be ruining your relationship, now’s the time to act. Here are a few tips for getting your emotions under control:

1) The first step is to identify when your feelings of jealousy occur. Do you feel jealous when your partner interacts with anyone of the opposite sex, or only in specific situations? If you only feel jealous in certain instances, do you experience the same feelings every time the situation occurs, or are there more specific triggers?

2) Once you’ve identified the triggers that cause a jealous reaction, try to identify the reasons behind it. If you’ve ever been cheated on, you may be worried that your current partner will do the same. Your feelings of jealousy may also be coming from low self esteem. If you don’t value yourself, you may be worried that your partner will leave you for someone you perceive as “better.”

3) After completing your self evaluation, talk to your partner about your feelings. Be sure to phrase the conversation in terms of “I” - say things like, “I feel bad when you flirt with other people in front of me,” instead of, “You’re always flirting with other people in front of me.” Doing so removes the blame from the issue and allows you to focus on resolving your jealousy instead.

If jealousy is a major problem for you – or if your past relationships are truly impacting your ability to be happy, you may want to consider seeking professional assistance to help you resolve your emotional issues. Speaking with a qualified third party – like a therapist or psychologist – can help you address your jealousy issues and resolve them in a safe, non-confrontational environment.

Don’t be afraid of jealousy – it often stems from natural, instinctive psychological processes. However, when left unchecked, jealousy can ruin your current relationships and any future ones. So take the time to identify your issues and work through them with your partner or a third party. You’ll soon be on your way to taming that little green monster inside.

I’m not an expert, but have had my own break-ups to deal with (including divorce), as well as witnessing many friends go through similar circumstances and hope the following tips and advice will help you with your grieving process:

Use a Journal for Reflection

Write down as many of your thoughts, feelings and ideas as possible. Be honest…don’t bother editing yourself. Learn something about yourself. Specifically, learn something bad about yourself. If you think a break-up and your heartache is only the other person’s fault — your logic is flawed. It always takes two.

Some Questions to Ask Yourself:

Why did you get involved with this person in the first place?
Did the relationship help or hinder your personal development and life goals?
Where you in a co-dependent relationship? A toxic relationship? A parent-child relationship, etc.
What qualities / values did your other half have that were positive and negative?
What did you learn from this relationship?

No Blame

Get out of blame as soon as you can. Blame is for 5 year olds (and emo teens). Aim for responsibility and understanding rather than blame. Personal responsibility is the key to many areas of life, and your future love-interests will appreciate the maturity. He/she may have been a manipulative control freak, but you failed to recognize that quality before getting involved with them in the first place.

Exercise & Diet

Exercise and good food for the body. Break-ups are depressing, and the psychological pain is sure to have psychical manifestations…so help yourself out by picking up a new sport (we suggest juggling) to get some of those endorphins going (and that is much cheaper and safer than pharmaceuticals).
It’s easy to start poor eating habits when you are feeling down about lost love — so watch what you eat and try to keep it healthy.

Friends are Your…Friends

Get out and re-connect with friends and acquaintances: couples often rely on each other for emotional support (un-healthy couples rely solely on each other). When a couple splits — they are no longer able to give this emotional support. This is a huge factor in the loneliness equation. Make sure you keep up with friends and family and don’t let yourself retreat too much into yourself.

Rebounds

Breaking up with someone to pursue another person is a dead-give-away of your lack of relationship skills and worse yet — it shows a serious deficiency of self-knowledge. Falling in love hard enough to crack teeth only to have those feelings slip away almost just as fast…and then starting that cycle all over again is serial monogamy — do yourself a favor and take a break from pursuing “love” for a while. Keep relationships casual while you work on your own issues and grief.

Time

I’ve heard that the general guideline for the time it takes to get over a relationship after a break-up is 1 month for every year of the relationship. Although some folks swear by this formula and offer it as hope to those newly heartbroken — remember that everyone is different and the time it takes for you to heal fully is subjective.

Remember — time will make things better, and the only person responsible for your happiness is you.

If all works out (which things generally do) you will come out of your break-up as a stronger and wiser individual that is able to have healthier future relationships thanks to lessons learned. Smile.