Answers to many questions you may have:
“Why am i such a horrible person?”
I feel like we need to start with this question because it is the most serious: a question of one’s own character. The truth is, you are NOT a horrible person for cheating on your partner. Let me repeat: you. are. not. a. horrible. person.
It is easy to come to that conclusion because you feel that you have done something so awful and unforgivable that you don’t deserve the title of a ‘decent person’ anymore. In reality, every human being is capable of every malicious and benevolent act…but it is our decision to choose between these polar opposites. You might be thinking “…but I KNOW I’m not capable of murder!”…..I’ll bet three months ago, you also didn’t think you were capable of infidelity, either, right? The thing is, you did not cheat on your partner to spite them nor to make your life a living hell…..circumstances lined up, you met an amazing person, your current relationship was unsatisfying, so you acted on what felt right. This does not mean that you are now the “unforgivable sinner”.
“How long should I wait before telling my partner?”
Don’t wait. Do not wait. The truth is your best friend in this situation. Living a lie can be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. If you find yourself having feelings for someone else other than your partner, then something is clearly wrong in your relationship. You and your partner need to sit down and have a serious and painful conversation about your relationship because it is unfair for them to continue putting forth their efforts into a relationship that is not progressing.
You also cannot assume what your partner’s reaction is going to be. It is easy to presuppose that your partner will have an emotional breakdown, which leads to lack of understanding, which leads to a terminated relationship. Do not convince yourself of that. It is also possible that your partner could find understanding through their pain and want to talk to you about why this infidelity occurred. They might love you so much that they want to work through whatever hindrances have presented themselves, just so they can be with you. Both of you should decide together whether the relationship is worth working on…which means, you have to tell them what has happened, now.
“Even though I’m unhappy, should I stay with my partner so that he/she won’t have to deal with a broken heart?”
If you are in a committed marriage and you feel such a strong conviction to stay with your partner despite what your heart tells you…then follow your heart. BUT, in most other cases, I don’t think it is advantageous for you nor your partner to suffer through a relationship that is barely working in the first place. If the person you cheated with seems to offer you things that your partner could never fathom, then you should definitely weigh out the reasons you are with your partner in the first place. This is a painful, long, and difficult process…but very necessary.
“Dear future infidels…”
Be honest with yourselves. Discover who you are before jumping into a relationship and expecting someone else to know the answer for you. You have to live and honest life or else you will find yourself in a situation of infidelity in an attempt to find out who you are through another person. Discover yourself before committing to something long-term.
*WARNING*
Your marriage could be failing as you think of ways to talk to your spouse! Find out ways to assess your failing marriage and take positive steps to resolve your problems and re ignite the passion you once had.
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