In order to pass the phase right after discovering infidelity, both spouses have to start evaluating their situation. They have to move beyond blaming each other and start accepting their responsibilities.

Love between spouses should be evaluated through efforts and not emotions. Thus, even if emotions are in turmoil after an act of infidelity, hope to restore the marriage is there, for it will be based on the effort to save that marriage.

Another very important part in the process of healing is understanding the difference between “mature” and “immature” love. “Being in love” is, therefore, different than the excitement and strong pleasure of “falling in love”. If one does not understand the difference, infidelity will become an answer to finding a new “falling in love” through finding a new partner. Such an immature love is also alluring because it comes with no commitments or responsibilities.

When a person gets involved in an extramarital relationship, s/he has to pay attention to the fact that marriage is more complex, for it includes the mundane and various unattractive aspects of everyday life. In an affair, things seem more ideal and much easier. This is why only 10% of the people who had an affair stay with their extramarital partner.

It is probably difficult to terminate an extramarital affair, but we have to remember that rebuilding a marriage gives us more satisfactory results at the end. In addition, it comes with permanence, shared experiences and deep love. We, moreover, have to remember that satisfaction associated with marriage does not only come from the realization of that satisfaction; it stems from what you can do and offer to your spouse.

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