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The first question you will ask yourself after discovering the infidelity of the your partner is whether you want to go on with the marriage or you want to dissolve it. The following might help you to take that decision…
Recovery after infidelity is not possible unless safety is established at first. An affair is not just sexual intercourse, and stopping it means prohibiting all kinds of connection between those two people. This might be a bit difficult when the affair partner is a co-worker. The only solution in that case is to keep the relationship strictly business and if forced into unplanned encounters, the spouse should be present so that trust is rebuilt.
Providing information quickens healing. Therefore, the story behind the affair should be told. However, try not to make that process an interrogation, for defensiveness will never help you. More complex and intimate questions (like details of sexual intimacy) should be postponed until recovery is nearly reached. During those questions, try to have the neutrality of a journalist when asking an interviewee, and not the brutality of a detective when talking to a criminal.
If you can reach the following signs of recovery and healing, then you are on the right way:
1) Your marriage is couple- and not child-centered.
2) Infidelity and the reasons behind it are understood.
3) Both you and your partner have been able to build a relationship based on trust, mutual responsibilities, understanding and commitment.
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