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My wife once had an affair. I suspected that something was going on, but for months, whenever I confronted her, she said they were “only friends”. They met more than once a week and I kept asking her to end that relationship. Finally, she did that but she soon went back to seeing him and that lasted for a whole year.

After breaking that relationship for good, she admitted that she slept with that man once. Although I had already suspected that, it still hurt to hear it. I was shocked and terribly hurt, and I have to admit that I am still trying to deal with her infidelity.

She, moreover, admitted that she had a relationship with another colleague of her years ago, and although it was not physical, it was intimate enough.

I know that she still meets other men alone in her work; it is part of her job. Yet my problem is that I do not trust her anymore and I keep thinking of what might be happening in those meetings.

My wife is a terrible “flirt” who gives the impression of being “available” but she is not a bad person. We went to counseling and that helped us a lot to save our marriage.

Yet, I can never stop thinking if a once-unfaithful spouse can be faithful later. I do not know… I do not know.

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Although the guilty spouse rarely wants the infidelity to be common knowledge, it is important to remember that the betrayed spouse needs to talk about it to someone.

Like after any trauma, the victim needs to go back to the ordeal, to question and examine it, and with the passage of time, to be able to move away from it. The first step towards mastering their response to the trauma is to believe in their ability to transcend it; their belief in their deity’s power of help is a key ingredient to that.

An infidelity victim has to develop a survival determination. After betrayal, many betrayed spouses lose their hope of having the energy and the capability to save their marriages. A guilty spouse may even go back to the extramarital partner thinking it is too late to save the marriage. Yet, both spouses have to believe in hope, for a marriage is not destroyed by a single event.

A one-time extramarital relationship does not necessarily mean the failure of marriage, or that the guilty spouse should never be trusted again. There should be always hope to be able to restore the marriage.

- “You need help because all those suspicions are only in your head”.
- “I swear that I would never do this to you”.
- “She’s nothing more than a sister to me, I swear!”
- “I’ve no idea why I gave her my phone number”.
- “Is it me you believe or your eyes?”
- “It wasn’t me. There must had been something wrong with the cell phones wires at that time”.
- “The only thing we talked about was you and me”.
- “You should trust me, baby; I’d never do such a thing to you”.
- “I was just giving you the time and space you say you need”.
- “It was a gambling problem and I didn’t want you to find out”.
- “I don’t wear my wedding ring because I am allergic”.
- “You know that my wedding ring does not fit in my finger anymore”.
- “I don’t dare break up with her, for she cannot handle such situations like you”.
- “I was pressured to do this by my friends”.
- “You don’t understand, I just wanted to have a friend of my own. Someone who would listen to me”.